Losses, rejections, growth and success
Our profound time starts the second we breathe in the womb until our last moments of life. Even then if you believe in reincarnation, heaven or hell or maybe believe in nothing, time is always there. Infinitely moving and passing by. The least we can learn from the nature of time is that it passes, the loss, the rejection, the success, the happiness – it all passes around in a circle to each person. We cannot deny that time has been on our side through it all.
I acquainted myself with time when I experienced bereavement. Sometimes it felt that time had stopped. Sometimes it felt that there was no more time left. I believe a journey of grief is associated with time. Grief now comes to me in small waves, at first it eases into the blood stream and then suddenly it leaves me with a tight compression on my chest, a wounded body and swollen eyes. In those moments I am engulfed with loss and failure. The failure of not having any power over death. That I must surrender to the pain and live. Move on. And, from that suffering I got in touch with my higher self. There is an enlightened feeling when you connect with yourself. Believe in the divine or not but you must follow through a journey into yourself because there you will find you, there you will find God. But this too, takes time. Each one of us have responsibilities thus ‘no time’ to process, to feel, to know who you are? What becomes of a life that is freely associated with time?
Death does not do you apart from a loved one because they are there already within you, just like the search for God… it is within in you. If you truly believe in the power of your mind then you must feel the divine. Within you and around you. It is irony when you are searching for meaning and not even knowing about your mere existence. Mediocracy and social conditioning are some factors in making humans behave robotic-ally. Get up, eat, work and sleep. Get up, eat, work and sleep. Get up, eat, work and sleep. It all consumes a lot of your time and by the end of it all you are tired, you are vulnerable and then you prepare yourself for the next day. When was the last time you paused in middle of a chaotic situation and surrendered to the time of that moment?
With some of the experiences I have had as a performer, I have come to learn that I am only limited by my own thoughts. I have come to know that every successful or failed idea was once a singular thought. A thought that sprung in the mind and then came to life with the exterior world. To develop this thought it took time. With each passing day, passing moment I feel more connected to myself, the more I feel connected to myself, the less validation I need from others. And, that takes time too. The precise nature of time is that it is valuable. If you let it slip, it will. If you let it nourish you, it will. Choices that you make are the reason of how your time is going.
In silence or in noise I have started to hear my voice. But midst all of this, there are multiple of voices. In this moment, I have an immediate voice that encourages me to write. And, then in the next moment, I think should I even post this? See the change of momentum in both thoughts. I now know what I know but I must forgive myself of not knowing what I did not know earlier. It took change in time to know what I needed to know. One must let go of feeling not experienced enough due to time. Each individual’s time changes.
These are the mere thoughts we hear every day. Criticising and critiquing or even feeding our egos. A wise person once said there is a thin line between confidence and arrogance. This all takes time, a clear amount of time to feel that you experienced and adequate. That you are good enough (which I believe you are). So now, be in your time! Be in the moment. Feel and process what is happening. The past two years I felt I lost myself but I have only come to know my purpose through finding myself in loss and pain through time. So do not run away from yourself or time, sit through what you must feel, what you must go through. The search of who you are starts with a decision of going through what you must learn, what you must experience. Beginning with time and ending with time.